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Average Joe Learns New Parenting Skills and Graduates to
Workshop Facilitator |
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| I
grew up in a verbally, physically, and mentally abusive home.
When my father died, I shed not one tear for him, I was
relieved. I knew that he loved me but all I had left was
resentment and hate. I made promises to myself that I would
never make my child feel the way that I did, I would never hit
my child, and I would never turn into my father. I would be the
best father in the world because now I know what not to do. |
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I had my
first and only son when I was 25 years old. We had an incredible
relationship. I was keeping all of my promises. I was
incorporating strict discipline with the unconditional love and
affection that I never felt and thought I was on the right
track. During the toddler years, however, I noticed that my
expectations were falling short. My son’s defiance, temper
tantrums, and attitudes were getting out of hand. I needed more
control! I started breaking my promises; I started yelling, I
started spanking, I started punishing with great vengeance. I
demanded respect! I justified this behavior by showing love and
talking about the negative behavior. We cuddled and kissed and I
tucked him in every night with a story. We played constantly and
had fun every day. My son is the love of my life, he is my world
and I only want the best for him and to see him succeed. I
seemed to have everything under control. |
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| The years went on and school
started to become a struggle. The negative behaviors continued
and my control, fear and anger escalated. He started hiding
everything from me, from his schoolwork to his true feelings.
His answer to my every question was “I don’t know” maybe for the
fear of saying the wrong thing or not caring about anything.
Failing in school and lying were unacceptable. I still hadn’t
realized that I had turned into my father. I denied it by
saying, “I Am Not My Father! I love, hug and kiss my son every
day! I am not my father because I care and I’m involved with
everything he does.” It took 12 years, Child Protective
Services, and my son not wanting to see me anymore to finally
realize that I was losing my relationship with him. When, where,
how did it all go so wrong? |
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| That same year I gratefully
stumbled across a STEP flyer from CARE. Wanting to do anything
to get my relationship back with my son, I signed up for the
Parenting Teenagers workshop. The first class changed my entire
life. It got me hooked and I realized the causes and effects of
my behavior. From that day forward I learned more about my child
and myself than I ever could have imagined. I learned new skills
that can be used in any relationship, not just parent/child. If
I had known about this class years ago I probably wouldn’t have
taken it anyway because I thought I knew what I was doing. It
took total crisis to make me realize I needed new tools. These
classes are not about judgment, or embarrassment, or failure.
They are about gaining new skills to improve relationships and
to raise confident, capable, and loving children. You can read
the book on your own but you’re not getting group support, the
processing, the practice and the facilitator who makes the class
a total experience. |
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| We still aren’t perfect and I know we will
never be and I know that I still have a lot of emotional damage to
repair in myself as well as my son but, thanks to CARE, I have gained
the skills to do it. I will never forget the facilitator who led that
first class I took and I will never forget the employees at CARE who
have always been there for me. Now I dedicate my free time in
volunteering as a facilitator, leading parenting workshops in hopes of
saving a family as they have saved mine. |
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| I hope this story reaches you before a
crisis and you realize the benefit of getting help and finding new tools
to face the many challenges of parenting and relationships. CARE is a
valuable resource to this community. |
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| Sincerely, |
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Your average Joe
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